Make Me a Dream
Do you remember your dreams? Do they seem real or are they easily separable from the conscious realm? Mine are oft forgotten and many are so obviously ridiculous that they’re not hard to separate from reality.
Most often I can only remember parts of them and it makes me wonder…What happened during the parts that I forgot? Why do I remember the parts that I do? A couple nights ago I dreamed a dream…
I was waiting in line at a school, driving an old Stratus that my sister used to own. Oddly enough, I was also waiting to pick up her kids. Odd, because one of them is already old enough to drive and we live hundreds of miles apart. Yet, I felt pretty relaxed about it. Like it was a normal thing to do on a Wednesday afternoon. Then, suddenly, I wasn’t in the car anymore.
I was sitting on a park bench. The weather was warm for fall, as it has been recently, and a gentle breeze was blowing, swirling red and yellow leaves around me. I looked over and there She sat. She smiled and we conversed for a while though I can’t remember a word of what was said. We leaned in together, held one another, in a platonic sort of way. Not platonic in the sense that nothing could have happened, rather, we were just really familiar with one another, and in that moment we had no desire for anything else but closeness.
Then, suddenly, we were both hot, sweaty and we had to sit apart for a while to cool off. I looked over and she was dressed differently than before. I couldn’t tell you what she was wearing previously but now she was wearing jeans and a t-shirt which seemed out of place.
She was holding some paperwork that we we were filling out together and we were laughing the whole time. I noticed her smile, the way she laughed without reserve, the set of her lips, the way her cheeks lit up, glowing with mirth. It was beautiful and the moment stuck, frozen like that little drop of water suspended over the ripples on a pond or a bright red leaf surrounded by the still green grasses of September.
I felt overwhelmed with a desire to kiss her, just for closesness, for comfort, out of a need to share those things with her. I leaned in, both of us still laughing, pulled her close, felt her breath caress my cheek, and…BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!, stupid alarm went off.
In an instant, that strange realm that hovers between my conscious and subconscious wrapped it all up into a little vignette and set it to the tune of Taylor Swift’s Delicate. But you could make me a dream (drink)…
I am intensely curious about what might happen in my dreams. So, I looked at my fitbit…
There she was! Somewhere in that last phase of REM sleep, suspended on an abstraction defined by various polysomnographic parameters. The kiss must have been only a few moments, but what of the rest of it? Was it drawn over the course of all the other REM cycles that I passed through. Perhaps that is the reason so much was forgotten, the reason it seemed so fragmented. As I slip into a different sleep stage do I forget the last? Does my dream continue when I pass back into REM or do I start fresh? What would have happened if I could hold myself there in the dreaming dimension, for hours longer? How would that impact my waking day? Would I be exhausted, confused, refreshed? Why the vignette and the association with that song?
One thing I know…I wish we could have finished that kiss!