I want someone to swallow me whole; darkness and light. To look deep, deep down inside me and not flinch but walk right in. I want you to fondle the rancid and vile parts, smiling all the while. I want you to smear them across your skin, paint yourself with my grotesque pieces. I want to laugh with you while we paint each other in our sickness. Revel in the glory of our dark oddities. I want you to marvel at the beautiful parts. I want to study your expression when you do. I want you to be awed when I gaze upon your beauty. I want our lights to magnify each other’s. I am desperate to see that blinding beacon alight, guiding our way home. I want it to be impossible for us to fail each other because we are bathed in each others faults and we celebrate them. I want to be astounded by your desire for me, shocked by your attraction and belief. I want so, so badly to see your expression when your desire is returned. I want to be speechless, unable to express my devotion to you. I want it to feel animal, instinctual, incontrovertible, unassailable, immutable. I want to press myself against you and feel you press back in earnest. Like we are struggling to occupy the same space because we just can’t bear even an infinitesimally small amount of separation. I want to rub against you until our smells are the same. I want us to fuck, rabidly. Insane with lust, no effort at control. I want us to surrender. I want the sound of me slapping against you to reverberate around the world. I want to cry because I can’t bury myself deeper inside you. I want us to smack into each other like comets flying from opposite sides of the galaxy at light speed. I want fusion. I want a glorious super nova. All consuming, beautifully terrible, blinding. I want you to come, over and over on my cock. I want to be afraid to come, simply because it might stop…and when I do I want it to render me unconscious with it’s intensity…I want a love that leads to oblivion. Where the whole rest of the world falls away to insignificance and there is only us, inseparable, lost even to our individual selves. I want our broken parts swept haphazardly together, shining, wabi sabi, in the corner of our quaint garden. I want to be deathly afraid when I sleep. Afraid that it’s just a dream, that I’ll wake up and you won’t be there. I want to worry for you every second that we are apart because if something were to happen to you, the pain….The pain would be so great I would suffocate under it, unable to think, unable to care, unable to breathe. I want you to be my purpose, my refuge, my all consuming desire, my everything. I want to cry with you in the darkness until we laugh at it, insane, together. I want us to experience duende together. I want us to be reduced to a single pile of rubble in each other’s presence, the world looking on, confused at our absurdity, while we play. I want us to starve, to be mindless of appetite, because we only need each other. I want to be swallowed by you while I swallow you back. Engulfed, encased within you, and you in me.