The Sexiest Toy in Our Collection

I occasionally find myself wondering what my readers might think about my sex life. After all, I am a sex blogger so it must be all kinds of amazing. Right?

Erm…I’ll let you entertain that thought as long as you’d like. I’ll just hide over here while I struggle with my imposter syndrome.

My sex life is, on a scale from one to ten, probably a 3 or a 4. Being in a committed, monogamous relationship sort of limits what a I can experience, especially when my partner’s libido and comfort zone seem, at present, significantly smaller than mine. However, we do happen across some real break throughs every now and then and I think I’ll share one with you.

Today, I’m going to tell you about the sexiest toy in our collection. This toy is so sexy it single-handedly saved our marriage. So sexy it convinced my partner to try anal sex. It’s even so sexy it enabled us to plumb the depths of my libido. This toy taught me that even when I’m in the best of shape; having sex, more than twice every day for a couple of weeks is just too much for me.

So, what is this miracle toy you speak of? This life changing gadget that converted my normally reserved spouse into a sex craving nymph….wait for it…drumrolll….

My hearing aid!!

Yep, you read that right…Not a sex toy at all really. It’s never even touched her down there. Yet, this little guy has had more of an impact on our relationship than any other piece of technology we’ve tried.

We’ve been through a couple of dark patches in our marriage. Patches that will make for some really good posts someday, when I come to a point where I’m ready to discuss them. For now, I’ll just summarize the most recent.

A few years ago, our marriage was on the rocks. We were barely on speaking terms really. Intimacy just wasn’t happening. Every communication seemed strained. It seemed as though she hated me and I couldn’t understand why.

This wasn’t exactly unfamiliar territory for us. We’ve been on the rocks before. The difference was mostly in the not understanding why. She always seemed angry with me and it brought out the worst in me in return.

Then, one day I came home from work a little frustrated. I was having the hardest time hearing one of my coworkers. I kept having to ask her to repeat herself every time she spoke and I’m not one that seeks out conversation much. I mentioned this to my wife in passing and she thought I should go get my hearing tested.

Admittedly, I thought this was a ridiculous idea. After all, hearing aids are for old people right? But I gave in and she booked me an appointment. Much to my shock, turns out I do have hearing loss, but only in my left ear. Not only that, the particular wavelength of sound that I have a hard time hearing fits nicely around the part of the vocal spectrum that her voice fits into.

One more appointment later along with my shiny new hearing aid and I’m suddenly a much more conscientious husband and father.

That’s great right, but what does all that have to do with great sex? Well, for starters, knowing that I wasn’t intentionally blowing her off and ignoring her and my kids all the time removed a whole pile of resentment for her. It also changed the sound of her voice for me. The higher pitched part of her voice was missing when I heard it and what was left came across as an “annoyed tone”. To this day every time I listen to her without my hearing aid she comes across as slightly irritated.

Once all of that changed we were finally able to communicate effectively and for a few months it was like going through a sort of “honeymoon” period. We were rediscovering each other, spending time together, and going on dates. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other! Sex every night and almost every morning. So much sex I eventually found myself wishing I could get a bit more sleep!

After a while we started playing around, ordering a few toys. I bought us our first set of butt plugs. It was a set of three but the largest was positively enormous. We worked our way up to the second, experimenting with sex in different positions while she wore it. Then, we started working up to sliding my cock in her ass. It took quite a few attempts and a few bottles of lube before we were successful.

I still remember the first night that we worked my head all the way in and started to gently rock together, almost fucking but not quite. Ironically, the thing I remember most about it was that after spending quite some time working my way in there one of my kids knocked on the bedroom door. We both looked at each other and simultaneously screamed “GO TO SLEEP!!”.

We kept working on it and eventually found what worked for us. Now, anal sex, and other not so exotic kinks are definitely on our menu whenever we’re together.

Eventually, of course, the honeymoon ended. The newness and frantic exploration settled back into a more normal rhythm. However, we are still much more intimate than we were before the hearing aid.

Lately she’s been hinting that she’d like a new toy to play with. Needless to say, I’ve been shopping around!

Anyway, I’m sure we’re not the only ones who’ve run into this problem. If you find yourself wondering why your partner keeps blowing you off, or why they always sound super annoyed whenever they talk to you it might be worth considering a hearing check. Certainly, there’s a whole host of other reasons why they could be behaving this way but if it’s just a hearing problem there’s a real quick fix.

I know almost for certain that if I hadn’t gone to that appointment we’d be divorced right now. We’d have gone through a whole lot more pain and we would have missed a really amazing honeymoon.

So, if you find yourself in a similar situation with your partner it might just be worth asking, “Can they really hear me?” Maybe they can’t…🤷‍♂️